Still no internet... *sigh* I'm snagging a few minutes on my employer's computer while the kids nap. I miss blogging! I think it is safe to say that I have fallen off the weight loss wagon. Got back on today, mostly, but I weighed in yesterday and I have gained back some of the weight. Not too much! Almost ten pounds... but I'm still proud of the thirty that's gone for good. It has been so hard scheduling in fitness while I have an unreliable schedule. Working this much has emphasized more than anything that I need to make sure I get enough rest, drink enough water, and allow myself time to work out. Of course, that's all easier said than done when I'm running around, wishing I was fitting in a life outside of work!

For instance, yesterday I worked until 10:20pm. I try to be in bed by 10pm, so I can get up at 6:30am and workout, or just enjoy the morning. That obviously didn't happen this morning. I didn't even have time to eat before my bus came, so I had to shove a banana, a water, and a bagel in my lunch bag and take it along.

The hardest part with the kids is that they don't eat healthy, well-rounded meals. They like healthy foods though, like yogurt, fruit, whole grains, and even vegetables, but my boss sets up most of their meals around pizza, white pasta, hotdogs, or sugary snacks. I'd make them something else, but there aren't even pots and pans in this house - and I can't afford to bring my own supplies! I end up sharing what I bring to eat, and with four to six of them on average, I don't eat enough - so I help myself to their not-so-healthy options.

I know that ultimately I need to just keep their food and mine seperate, because I definitely pack enough for me alone, but it's hard. I'm used to sharing with little ones!

Today my nutrition was poor, but the day isn't over yet - I had my banana for breakfast on the way, then shared my whole grain bagel and lowfat cream cheese with the kids. I snagged a 12oz diet pepsi from the fridge and drank two cups of coffee to give me a boost to make it until naptime - I was so tired. That was the start of the guilty conscience today, because I don't really handle caffeine well. It gives me a headache and a stomache ache with the small energy boost. The worst part is, I drink it so little now that it's annoying that I feel like I am going through withdraw anytime I drink it. I wish I could commit to not drinking it, ever!

In between breakfast and lunch time, I had a microwave vegetable meal with noodles. Very small - not a full sized meal, and I was definitely hungry because I only ended up getting maybe 1/4 my bagel!

For lunch, my boss didn't leave a succinct meal for the kids, so I just let them have a "pick" lunch - some chips, carrots, salad, cheerios, granola bars, hot dogs and yogurt. Healthier than usual, but still fitting their "kid style" of eating with their hands! I had some salad, some of the chips (I don't even like potato chips, why did I eat them?!) with guacamole I brought from home (yum!), and a hot dog. This was the other half of my guilty feelings for the day. I haven't really eaten meat at all for almost a month. And hardly any red meat for two months before that. It looked good, but now that I'm thinking about all the ethical reasons why I decided to stop eating meat.... Ugh.

The other frustration right now is that I can't get to the office on campus to pay for my gym membership. I work during their open hours! How I will reunite with my trainer.... I don't know.

On the bright side: work is two miles away now, so yesterday morning I counted my bike ride there as my exercise! Also, I am learning more about my hunger cues. Today I was eating lunch and realized, halfway through my plate, that I wasn't hungry anymore. Finally, I am re-attacking my cookbooks. I think a major dilemma of working a lot and maintaining an active social life is that cooking nutritious meals takes time. Well, problem solved (at least in theory): I own the hungry girl cookbooks, a weight watchers cookbook, a cook yourself thin cookbook, many others, and soon - thanks gram!- a biggest loser cookbook! I can SO do this.

So now it's halfway through July and my head is back in the game. Just to remind myself how far I've come, let's look back...

January - started my weight loss journey
February - met my nutritionist
March - started working with a trainer
April - was honest about my medical needs with my doctor
May - lowered my risk for heart disease from high to moderate by losing inches on my waist
June - lost a total of 30 lbs
July - Lost my head temporarily, and got back on track

It's been a good year, thus far. Moving forward! My life changes:

Drinking more water
Getting no less than six hours of sleep, if at all possible
Eating fruits and veggies like they're going out of style
Giving up soda, 99% of the time
Being honest with myself about the effects of caffeine on my system
Going vegetarian
Indulging in chocolate, by switching to the dark variety
Being okay with the fact that I, oddly enough, don't really like ice cream, pie, cake, french fries, or chips

My aspirations:

Stay vegetarian
Get 7-8 hours sleep, on a sleep schedule!
Not drinking cow's milk (Excuse the language, but the book "Skinny Bitch" outlines the unhealthy aspect of consuming cow's milk, and I actually love almond milk, can drink soy milk, and barely tolerate rice milk)
Monitoring my portion control over my calories
If nothing else, walking in the mornings

My mental health goals:

Doing yoga
Trying out magnesium supplements (said to negate migraines!)
Getting my license (it's about time!)
Figuring out my degree - which will now likely be longer than one more year (my schooling, my way - and that's OK)

Finally, I wanted to shout out to my Aunt Sharon, who gave me the book "Believe It, Be It," by Ali Vincent - the first female winner of the Biggest Loser. It is so incredibly inspiring - I love it!

All right, I think this post is long enough... I've made up for not posting enough recently. Oh, and if you read this, please leave a comment! They are so inspiring & I love getting feedback! It keeps me motivated to know that I have people reading along and holding me accountable. (Even if you just say "Stop rambling!" or ask a question! =p)

Check out my new poll and thanks for reading!